Devil's angel
by Melle Bastard
Summary: No matter how long you've been on the job. There is always a special case out there, who can make you reconsider all you ever thought you knew, all you ever believed in. Every single one of them went to hell and back again. It might be the reason why they forgot that sometimes Heaven is even more devastating. (Rollins/Tutuola established).
1. Extract

**This is just an extract. Take it as an appetizer for the rest of the story, and most of all don't be shy, tell me what you think! Thanks in advance.**

**PS:non-native speaker, so don't hate me, but all corrections are welcomed.**

She didn't hear ringing the first time because her blender was on. With the beginning of the academic year, business had been peaking high for the past month. Freshmen starting a new life at New York City University dying to experiment the whole of the big apple, managers of multinationals back to work after a depravation trip in St Tropez willing to take one last shot before going back to the office, husbands stuck at their parents in law's for two weeks…. Georgia did not get a chance to wander freely in her slippers and totally unattractive jammies, wearing her even more unattractive glasses for what seemed to have been ages. Today, she was giving herself a day off, and a treat of home-made triple chocolate frappucino. By the second call, she was struggling with the whipped cream tube, and almost splashed herself out of surprise. After licking the remaining of the battle from her thumb, she eventually grabbed the hotel phone.

"Room 2045."

"Sorry to bother you miss, but I have someone here asking to see you"

"Tom I am not taking anyone today. Tell him to make an appointment."

"It's not a "he", miss. Should I tell this person to come back at a better time?"

Her brain started to work faster than she would have ever thought possible. Sure, she had clients who were not "hes", even if they were far from being the majority. But considering the fact that she had no bookings for today, and certainly not for a lesbian experience, it didn't take a genius to put the pieces together. This was_ not_ a professional visitor. Well, not in that sense of the term, anyway. Her day of peace was gone by the moment she answered her phone. As was her peace of mind.

"No, tell her to come up it's fine."

Approximately as fine as the Manhattan traffic on the 25th of December. But in all honesty, what else could she do?

Georgia didn't get the time to answer her own question that she heard the knock on her door. It was only when she went to open the locks that she noticed her hands were shaking. Not leaf shaking, but still. Fuck. She hadn't been this nervous before opening her door to a stranger in a while. Probably because it had also been a while since she had opened her door other than for work.

Still, she did open the damn door. It was followed by a dead silence, where both women seemed to analyse each other. It shouldn't have been complicated for the other one, Georgia thought. She was a whore. It's never complicated for anybody to analyse a whore, even when the latter is standing in a terribly unsexy outfit on her –supposedly- day off. What she saw, on the other hand, was pretty disturbing. Not that the woman was awful looking or anything. It had more to do with the situation. She found herself in this weird position of being put in front of something she had only heard about before, solely able to rely on her imagination to picture it. Almost like one of those tales people used to tell each other in the ancient times.

This one was blonde, pale-skin and blue eyes. Petite but still taller than her, which in itself was far of being an exploit. A pretty woman behind her eyes circled with tiredness. The same that Fin had described to her in every possible manner as the love of his life getting out of his hands after he made everything in his power to keep her on float. She was here, looking straight at her, in a rather judgmental way. Or maybe was it just delusion?

"Heaven?"

She tightened her grip on the side of her door. None of this was right.

"Please, call me Georgia... Would you like to come in?"

Without waiting for an answer, she left the way clear, taking a few steps back into the suite. After another moment of staring at her, her visitor eventually passed the front door, only to stand in the middle of the living room, impassive. Georgia took care of closing the door. She was now staring at the back of a leather jacket. And she wasn't sure she wanted to see more.

"Do you live here? The guy at the reception seems to know you pretty well."

"It's just a transition. But for now, yes."

"Is that where you fuck all your clients as well? Or did you give my companion a specific treatment because he's a cop?"

Well, at least that was pretty straightforward. She couldn't help but shrugged her shoulders. Maybe not the best move to have.

"It depends."

"Of what?"

Her tone just went from angry to angrier. Still, she looked like she was going to fall into pieces at any moment.

"Look, I know it is a really complicated situation right here…."

"Oh, do you?!"

As she was getting agitated, Georgia couldn't help but reach for her arm. Once more, not the best move. She retracted as fast as she could.

"Why… Why don't you take a seat and we can talk about it?"


	2. Guardian Angel

"What makes you do what you do?"

"What makes_ you_ do what_ you_ do?"

"I always knew I wanted to get into the police. When I was a kid, it was just for driving in one of those white-and-blue cars with sirens on it, having a nice uniform and a gun. Today I think… It has more to do with protecting the oppressed. Not justice really. This is more about… Trying to help people into living the life they want, not one imposed on them."

"Do you see me as oppressed?"

"In a certain way."

"You're not willing to believe that someone could choose this sort of career in the most conscious way, of her own agreement and free from all external pressure, are you?"

"I find it hard to believe that anyone, would ever enter this activity and think that this is how they want to live their life."

"Well what do you make of me then? Am I just another 20-odd year old woman shaped by my times, where sex sells and brought up to think that I must be the object of a man's fantasy to fulfil my goal on earth? Am I a stupid little piece of shit obsessed with money? Do I have some psychological disorders that made me think it would be a good idea? Or am I a sex slave, hence one of your "special victims"? Or do you see me as the four of those combined?"

"What, should I just tick one of the boxes and that's all? Do you think my job, on a day-to-day basis is that simple?"

"It's seems pretty simple for most people. And I can see why, honestly. It is much easier for anyone to see me as another victim of my gender. Cause let's face it, that's quite handy for them. All those purportedly feminists and…"

"Wait a minute there, are you considering yourself as a feminist?"

"Is that so hard to believe? See, Detective, maybe it's a professional deformation from your part, and that would be quite understandable, considering the amount of horrors you see on a regular basis. But I am the only one in power in my job. Men come to me for sexual reasons, for sure. But you would be surprised what else they expect to find when they walk into this suite. Sometimes I am a shoulder to cry on, sometimes I am a relationship counsellor, sometimes I am a psychiatrist. I can even be a confessor, God forgives me. In the end, it doesn't matter. I am always the one in charge. It is always me they're seeking advice from. And even when they're only here for sex. I am in control. Is that not what feminists were fighting for women to achieve, for generations? Is that not what we all want? You, me…."

"They pay for your services. You're the one who've got to compel to any of their orders for 150$ an hour."

"Aren't you paid for your job? Does that prevent you to be on the powerful side when driving the white-and-blue car I helped to pay with my taxes, the one with the sirens on?"

"Are you trying to convince me that your job is not different from mine?"

"Would you see that as an offense, Detective Tutuola?"

* * *

"She's really good."

Olivia took a sip of her coffee while pulling her headphone off. Amaro looked at her, in a thoughtful way, before speaking his mind.

"You don't believe her?"

Her partner chewed on her fingernail, apparently trying to make up her mind on the matter.

"I don't know. It seems too easy."

"Well, maybe she speaks the truth. She is an escort. No nights on the streets waiting for the clients. No pimp. Nobody taking any percentage of what she makes. And apparently no money issue, seeing that she now lives in one of the most luxurious hotels on Central Park. Maybe there are actually prostitutes out there enjoying their jobs."

"The girl just appeared on the surface of the earth, Nick. She had lived in this hotel for almost eight months already and nobody knows who she is. I am just not sure when you're so happy with your life, you take so much care in making yourself invisible."

"People make choices. Does she look constrained to you?"

Olivia took a moment to think about it. Ever since the investigation started with the first prostitute raped two months ago, she hadn't manage to come to term with what she thought. The only thing they had so far were six victims, all telling the same story about this girl. Heaven, she called herself. All of them had her phone number, registered as a sort of ICE for when things went wrong with their clients. It couldn't be a coincidence. Yet the closer they came to this Heaven, the blurriest it went. She had not known valid identity. No records, no bank accounts. Not the slightest track. And here they were, finally, having a grip on her and still. Nothing moved.

She finished her already cold coffee, before throwing the cup out.

"I don't know what to make of her case. And I don't like it."

Before her partner had a chance to question her again, Fin came out of the hotel. Sunglasses on, he opened the backdoor and got into the car.

"Girl says Kiera and Julie called her two nights apart at the beginning of the month. None of them mentioned anything about a rape."

Olivia let out a laugh of frustration.

"That's convenient."

Without really paying attention to the impatience in her voice, Fin carried on.

"She says she checks on the girls about every two weeks if they don't report any problems. Counted approximately twelve of them."

Nick furrowed his brows and took a look at him in the mirror.

"Does she just… Do that out of good will?"

"I don't know. She assured she never charged them."

A sigh came out of the driver's seat, before Olivia started the engine again. This little game was getting on her last nerve now.

"Really? Then what is she? The guardian angel of the Manhattan prostitutes?"


	3. Same old

They were back at the precinct in a blink of an eye, and as per usual for the past two months, someone was debriefing the progression –or in that case the complete lack of progression- of the investigation. It had become so redundant that they came to the point of taking turns. Today was Olivia's day. Without masking her irritation, she started one more time, pointing at the six different pictures on the board.

"Catarina Mendosa, said Candice. Raped around three am on the 5th of June by a man who took her by force in his car. A black Lexus. He wore a mask, gloves and a condom. She wasn't able to give any physical details whatsoever as he took care of blindfolding her. He snatched her nose piercing out and that is something he will reproduce with all the other victims. For Kieran Adamson said Scarlett it was a lip piercing, Margaret Lowe said Diamond a cartilage one on her ear, Emily Owens said Queen got her tongue damaged, Julie MacTanet said Cherry the ear again and finally Helen Atkin said Eden got her navel ring ripped off. The first two rapes were only five nights apart and then he waited two weeks between each. Same M.O, different cars. Same kind of girls: all rather small, below 30 years old and in the same area. No DNA."

"Did you find Heaven?"

Olivia turned back from the picture to see Cragen standing in the middle of the room. He looked as tired as the three of them.

"Fin went to talk to her."

For the first time since the beginning of the debriefing, Fin stopped staring at his phone and put it on the table.

"The girl is an escort, captain. She says she checks on the girls on a regular basis and the last time she talked to Kieran and Julie, they didn't say anything about what happened. I asked for a date and from what she told me it was prior to the rapes. Checked the phone, no logs."

Cragen looked at him, then at Olivia. He hadn't seen his squad in such a state of annoyance in a while.

"Did she say why?"

"Something to do with privacy and traceability apparently." Fin said before checking his own phone one more time.

Cragen moved on to Olivia.

"If she doesn't want people to know who she is in contact with, there should be a reason. Anything else she talked about?"

"That's what I thought as well but from her own words she is just a blooming prostitute who loves what she is doing."

She looked at Amaro in a rather dubitative manner. He rolled his eyes.

"I just said that it could effectively be possible that she was telling the truth. She might indeed be really happy with her life. Usually escorts don't spend their time wandering about and revealing their occupation to the first person they meet on the sidewalk."

"I agree with Nick" Fin added. "She seemed pretty sincere to me."

Cragen went over all of them one last time. Olivia passed a hand in her hair before shaking her head in reprobation.

"And this blooming hard working lady still doesn't have a name?"

Amaro and Tutuola followed Olivia by shaking their heads. A silence took part in the already dry conversation, before Benson took on her to break it.

"She certainly has an arrangement with the hotel cause they never asked for it."

"Okay. This is going nowhere and she is the most solid clue we've got for the moment. If she decides to stay mute, bring her here. Following his pattern he's gonna strike again in eight days. Liv, I want you to take care of it."

On this, Cragen started to walk back to his office, signifying to all that the session was over and yet another night of pointless research was waiting for them. As he had already opened his door, he pointed at Fin.

"I need to see you."

Benson and Amaro exchanged a look. After a second of hesitation, Fin stood up and followed Cragen in his office. He closed the door behind him and waited for his superior to start.

"How is Rollins doing?" Cragen asked while reaching for his chair.

Fin observed him. Both of them were aware that there was no right answer to the question, so he tried to find the best way to wrap up the truth.

"As best as she can, I suppose. We don't talk that much."

He didn't show any emotion. Passed a certain stage, it was useless anyway.

"You two had it tough for the past months, Fin. I'm aware of that."

It was an understatement. And they both were aware of that too.

"She'll get there eventually."

The moment the words came out of his mouth, Fin knew it was a lie. There was only so much one human could take, and it seemed that Amanda had passed her breaking point. Admitting it to himself was already hard enough without telling it to Cragen as well.

"Listen, I hate having to do that. But she's been on leave for more than a semester already and I need another brain on this case. I understand your situation completely. But whether she is coming back or not, I need to know it as soon as possible."

Fin didn't answer, for Cragen spoke in all honesty. He truly did understand the situation was above complicated, and he needed to have his squad complete. The detective just thought it was a shame that Amanda still hadn't realized she would not be ready to get back to work before a long time.

"I'll talk to her, Captain."

"Go home Fin. I'll see you on the morning. Tell Amanda I say hi."

Fin didn't have any intention to go home. Since it all started, the precinct had become his last resort, and that was the only thing he liked about this case. The clearest of his days and nights, he spent them here, fighting issues he could actually fix. However, going against the order of the captain was pointless. He just resigned to do as he was told.

"I'll do. Thanks captain."

He closed the door of the office and passed the room without a word. Benson and Amaro already got back to work. No questions asked.


	4. No words

The front door wasn't locked when he arrived, despite the fact that it was already late. He had reminded her to do so a thousand times, and she had said she would, only for him to leave her alone. He didn't see himself as a particularly paranoid person, but he had noticed that no matter what time he walked in, the door was never locked. If he dared making the reflexion to her, it would end up in an nth argument and Fin really didn't feel up for it. He was better off taking care of that directly.

The living-room was empty, which had also become part of the routine. The name wasn't really appropriate for this room anymore, considering that Amanda now spent most of her life in the bedrooms. After a quick look at his watch, Fin decided to manifest himself:

"Mandy it's me."

No answer. Fair enough, the flat was of a pretty decent size, but not big enough for her not to hear. Meaning she was either giving him the cold shoulder or she was already asleep. After having taken his jacket off, Fin walked towards the corridor in the intention to find out. In a mechanic way, he first reached for the room at the very end. The door was half open when he came in, unsurprised to discover he picked the right choice.

Amanda was in the rocking chair she fall in love with almost a year earlier, when they found out that she was expecting. It was made of wood and painted in this jade colour she soon became crazy about. From the walls down to the crib, everything had been decorated in this weird shade of green he wasn't so fan of himself. It didn't really matter to him though. As long as she had what she wanted for their child. She could have decided to splash the whole room with rhinestones; he would have been okay with it. And to be fair, she didn't really ask him for his opinion back then. She was like all the other mothers to be for the first time: paying attention to every little detail, as everything had to be perfect for her baby. And her version of perfection turned out to be coloured in jade.

Amanda fell asleep with her head between her folded arms on the edge of the crib. Fin wondered how long she had been here for. Throughout all these months, he had seen her sleeping in positions he would have never thought possible for a human being to fall asleep in. Most of the time though, this room was where to find her. And he was fairly sure she would have lived her life here, if he had let her.

Trying not to wake her up, Fin checked the inside of the crib. Melissa was as passed out as her mother, her little fists like sealed to her palms and he watched her chest going up and down in that calm breathing proper to infants. It wasn't the first time for him, but Fin was always amazed of how hypnotizing a sleeping baby could be. After another minute of being lost in his daughter's peacefulness, he looked down to the side of the crib for the oxygen supply. The machine indicated 96, which brought a rare smile on his face. He gently rubbed Melissa's head and went to give her a kiss.

"Doing good, baby girl."

He didn't get the time to stand up again that Amanda's eyes popped open.

"Fin? What time is it?"

They didn't bother with the formalities anymore. Asking each other how the day had been was now like willingly putting your feet on an anti-personnel mine.

"Twenty past eleven."

She let out a groan and rubbed her eyes before getting up.

"Damn. I just closed my eyes for a second."

Like a robot, Amanda reached for the plastic box on the floor. She grabbed one of the feeding bags already prepared inside it and brought the hook closer to her. With all the precautions, she then bent down to the crib and carefully opened her daughter's onesie at her stomach. The Gastrostomy tube which was throbbing underneath it came out, and Amanda fixed the catheter to it before closing the buttons again. She started to press gently on the bag hung to the hook.

Not before that did she seem to remember that someone else was in the room.

"You come home early."

She quickly checked the oxygen machine herself before reporting her attention on her daughter, still deeply asleep.

Fin tried to figure out a way to bring Cragen's request on the table. As he was watching her acting so mechanically, he decided that there wouldn't be any good way to do it.

"The captain wanted me to talk to you."

Her piecing blue eyes looked straight at him, and it felt as sharp as razor blades.

"Oh right. For a second here I just thought you were missing me."

Fin tried to ignore the picking.

"He needs to know if you plan to get back to work."

Still pressing the bag with one hand, Amanda tightened the other one on the bars of the crib, not taking her furious eyes off him.

"Well, you can tell the captain that despite how much I'd love to run after sex perverts again like in the good old days, I am a little bit busy with trying to keep my six months old alive at the moment. I offer my apologies."

"Mandy…."

"No, Fin. Since seven o'clock this morning, I had to deal with a tenner of oxygen drops and two cluttered feeding tubes. My daughter couldn't go for a nap because her cough was taking on her that badly, So I decided to go to the park for her to get some fresh air. The park where all those healthy, joyful and bubbly kids were running and screaming everywhere making it impossible for me to hear if the oxygen monitor of my six months old baby was beeping. So what did I do? I came back here after ten minutes and did my best to erase from my mind the idea that my daughter would never get a chance to run in the park. Then yes you, you can tell Cragen that he can start looking for my replacement, because no, as a matter of fact I am not going back to work."

Her voice had trailed off throughout her speech and Fin saw that she was breathing faster as her anger increased. He looked at her for a moment while she tried to control a wave of tears coming on.

He could have answered back. He could have reminded her that she was his daughter as much as hers, or told her that he did his best to cope with the situation even if he didn't handle it the same way she did. But she was in too great of a pain to hear it. The only thing he wanted to do right now was to take her in his arms and show her how much he loved her, promised her she would never be alone. Even then, Fin knew she wouldn't believe him.

Hence he was left with the less damaging option of all: withdrawal. Again.

"I'll tell him to start looking for someone. See you tomorrow Amanda."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

Her eyes were back on Melissa. After one last kiss for his child, Fin resigned to leave the room.


	5. Playing by the rules

Olivia took a glimpse in the room before going in. She asked Nick to take Heaven there, and tell her that she was going to join her shortly. Before entering, she wanted to have a first impression settled. All she knew about the woman so far was that she had a really grave, raspy voice which made her sound as sensual as her job required. When they first spotted her at the Central Park hotel, they had decided it would be a better move not to attack her directly and Fin had been the only one to see her. Of course, Olivia had browsed the pictures on her website, but those were images of a fantasy, an unreal creature made to provoke desire. She didn't know until then, what the real Heaven looked like.

She was wearing a navy blue t-shirt, tight enough to underline her more than generous cleavage perfectly, without being ostentatious. Her dark blue jeans made the red high heel shoes she had on stand out significantly and her jet black hair were loosely brought together with a clip, in an organised mess. A certain class came out of this small person, who was holding her cup of coffee with as much caution as if it had been a crystal glass. She was pretty but not stunning, in this kind of normal, not over the top way that would make any male fall for her charms. Sure, her curves were to be jealous of, but her green eyes still bore this innocence only youth could bring. Her voice had made her sound ten years older than she was. Olivia bet with herself somewhere under 25. As she passed the door of this office, she knew she would have to play her cards very close to her chest.

"Hi, I am Detective Benson. Sorry for making you wait."

"It's alright. I still have two more hours to kill."

Her tone was casual. Nothing to do with the one she employed with Fin. Or with men in general, Olivia guessed. She sat next to her and Heaven gave her a timid smile. Taken out of her comfort zone, she was just a regular girl.

"Business?"

"Should I…. Really talk about that with a Detective from the special victims unit?"

"You already did."

"And you guys didn't take the problem any further. But the fact that I'm here today is not to reassure me."

Olivia looked at her with this comforting gaze that meant she had nothing to worry about.

"Your occupation is not the reason why you're here. As far as we are concerned, your job is safe."

Heaven didn't hide her scepticism. She started to play with the cup in her hand, obviously uncomfortable.

"So… Do you often bring escorts in for a chat and let them leave on time for their next girlfriend experience with your best wishes?"

She was witty. Olivia didn't hide her smile.

"As you said, it is the special victims unit. You made it clear that you were not a victim. There's no point for me to jeopardize your living."

The detective was aware that she spoke out of hypocrisy. And the way Heaven looked at her proved that she wasn't the only one.

"But you're still not willing to believe me, right?"

Benson took her time to analyse her more deeply. She still had those full cheeks that placed her in this in-between category where it was hard to determine if she was old enough to order alcohol while at the same time; her body had already reached its most perfect shape.

"Once again, this is not the subject of your presence here. Some of the women you are in contact with have been brutally raped over the past two months."

"I already told Detective Tutuola that I didn't know anything more than you on this affair."

"With them calling you that regularly to inform you on how things are going, giving you info about their clients while you're telling them who to trust or not?"

"It's business. Don't make it sounds like a bad remake of_ Sex and the City_."

"Emily told us she put you as her referee at the abortion clinic. It seems pretty personal to me."

Heaven was getting annoyed, and Olivia could tell by the way she crossed her legs and lied back on the couch.

"I shouldn't have to teach you that there is no such thing as labour union for whores in this country. Yes, I am happy with what I am doing, probably like hundreds of escorts in New York. But if you go to Internal Affairs and affirm that you've been sexually harassed, they will open a case. What do you think the responses are when an escort passes the door of a precinct to say that a client has assaulted her? We don't spend our nights on the streets. Everything happens in closed rooms, with men who can afford to spend a lot of money on us. Nobody would take it seriously. We've got to stick together."

"Only to the point where one of you claim to have been raped? You know it doesn't make any sense, right?"

"I advised them to come here because I thought it was the only safe place to go. It hits me now that I should have known better."

Disappointment was written on her baby face. Olivia was internally beating herself for having crossed the line and let her slip out of her grip. She would now have to start all over again, and something told her that it wasn't going to be easy.

"You did the right thing."

"Then why do I feel like you're interrogating me?"

"I am not interrogating you, Heaven. I just need to understand what is going on here."

"A pervert is following girls out of their appointments and rape them almost to death. That's what's going on here."

"Yes, and all of these girls are connected to you. If we don't find anything in the next days he is going to strike again. What tells you that he is not coming after you this time?"

"Thank you for your interest, but I am a big girl now. I take care of myself."

She didn't say that in a defiant way. It was just a statement.

"Which was not their case, right?"

Heaven sighed and tightened her hands around the cup. Olivia hoped that she was eventually going to talk.

"I just try to give them hints. I've walked around the neighbourhood for a while already. I've learned from my mistakes. Most of those girls don't have a clue what it requires to be an escort. They would take anybody for the money. That's not how it works. There are requests you should never agree with, places you should never go to, your phone should always be charged, and you should always let someone know where you are, for how long…. Otherwise things like that will happen."

"But not to you."

"I've been formed properly. She retired last year."

Olivia stood quiet for a moment. They were actually going somewhere.

"Your Madame?"

"Agent. You make $5,000 a week, she takes 40%. The price for security."

"Were you all working for her?"

Heaven nodded.

"I was her oldest. So I took it on me to keep them under control. I don't charge them. It's more for my peace of mind. But there's only so much I can do."

"Does this agent have a name?"

Heaven had a forced laugh.

"You are really out of your field of competence here, aren't you?"

Olivia gave her a confused look.

"Agents don't have names. They have pseudonyms. That's the way it goes. We never knew what her name was, and she never knew ours. First rule on the job."

The detective didn't hide her disappointment. All of a sudden, the case went back to zero, and while she was watching Heaven taking a drink of her coffee she truly started to think that they would never get the end of it.

"Well I think we're done for now. But I'll need to take a contact number, just in case we've got further questions. Are you willing to do so?"

"As I said, I don't have anything to hide."

Olivia's mind was blown by this last sentence. Taken out the fact that this woman just confessed she now leaved for years without an identity, it was the bare truth. She didn't refuse to answer any of her questions so far, and Benson was sure that she would not fail to come back if it was needed.

She was an enigma like she rarely had to deal with throughout more than fifteen years on duty.

"Good. Detective Amaro will take your details and then you'll be free to go. Thank you for your collaboration, Heaven."

On this, Heaven left the office, and did as she was told. Olivia was left there, aware that she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight either.

_Girlfriend experience: is a type of service a female sex worker offers which includes acting like a girlfriend to the client. GFE may include french kissing, hugging, talking, and eating a meal together. (thanks wikipedia)_


	6. Wrong place, wrong time

**Thank you guys for reading! Please, don't hesitate to let me know what you think. I'm waiting for your reactions!**

By the time Heaven got out of the squad room, she realized she wouldn't have a chance to jump back to the hotel before her next appointment. Her stomach was making awful noises already, and she couldn't decently meet her client with a four wheeler in her belly. She took the vending machine at the entrance of the precinct to be a gift from God, and without a leap of culpability for the calories she was going to ingest –they would be burned fast enough anyway- paid for two chocolate bars and a bag of skittles to go. Once outside, she sat on the sidewalk and lit a cigarette, picking in the pack of skittles at the same time. Man, she was starving.

Heaven was about to check her phone when the door opened behind her with such a force it came to hit her violently in the back. The skittles ended up lying on the floor, and the idea of getting away with murder right there with all those cops wandering around now sounded like a fairly good one.

"What the…."

She stopped when she saw Detective Tutuola walking passed her, his phone stuck to his ear.

"I told you I was coming…. Not a problem, I'll just take the car here, I still got an hour. Yeah I'm sure. Ok, see you later."

He hung up with the look of a man ready to explode. And she knew a bit about men ready to explode. The fact that he banged on that poor column with his fist a second later proved it.

Heaven was still sitting on the side, rubbing her ribs were the door had landed. Great. Now on top of the fucking cake, she was certainly bruised. How was she supposed to explain that to the client?

The detective might have heard her moaning, for once he was done with his little demonstration of rage, he came back towards her.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

"Not you, but the fucking door you just opened with so much caution did. Is not self-control supposed to be part of your job?"

She was still holding her side; pretty sure he had broken something. Not best pleased, she took a smoke of her cigarette, which only contributed to make matter worse.

"Wouldn't happen if you didn't sit behind the damn thing. It's called common sense."

Now, it was her turn to be infuriated.

"Are you serious right there?"

The pain kept making her way through her upper body, and Heaven pressed on the hurt ribs, trying to find a bit of relief. She threw her head back to the wall, and breathed deeply.

Ok, for now on, she shouldn't breathe either.

The detective might have finally got the hint, because that was the moment he choose to offer his help.

"Can you stand up?"

"I can't even feel my legs!"

Now, she was being whiny. But considering this man might have just made her lose $1,500, Heaven decided she had the right to be.

"I'll go get my car and bring you to the hospital."

She was about to reply and show him what she was made of, when she caught a look of his eyes. The desolation written in them made her change her mind.

"I have a booking and I'm already running late for it. I'll just take a taxi."

He laughed at her in a mocking way she wouldn't have accepted if he didn't seem so disarmed a second ago.

"Sorry again, but I don't think you're gonna be able to do anything today."

"Yeah, whose fault is that, already?"

He presented her with his hand, and after honouring him with the dark look she was the most proud of, Heaven accepted it. She hissed herself back on her feet, and had to bit her bottom lip to prevent the tears she could feel forming in her eyes from rolling down.

"You were at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm having a hell of a day."

"Talk to me about it… Besides, you owe me skittles."

Tutuola's eyes went down to the floor multi-coloured with candies.

"Skittles and Twix, huh? Is that what you girls live on? Not the best diet, I'm sure."

"Well, apparently we like to live dangerously."

She tried to take a few steps, but didn't go further than the granite column he just injured. She leaned on it and did her best to ignore the fact that she felt like she had just been ran over. She must have looked more miserable than she thought because she saw the detective taking his keys out of his pocket.

"Let me drive you to the Emergency room. It's the least I can do. Plus I don't want you to press charges."

She shook her head, starting to feel a little embarrassed by the whole situation. After having been treated like a criminal by this woman upstairs, she would have liked to at least be able to walk out of this place with her dignity.

"No. Listen, it's fine. And apparently you've got to go somewhere as well. I'll just take a cab."

Heaven thought it would have been enough. But he didn't look like he was ready to let go.

"I'll pay for what you're not gonna make today."

"Hmm… I wonder how guilty a cop has to feel to propose to reimburse a prostitute."

She paused and gave him the best reassuring look she could come up with.

"Seriously, I'm okay. At worst, some hematomas. I'll get over it."

After a moment where Heaven couldn't possibly tell if she had managed to convince him, the detective reached in his pocket once more and handed her a couple of notes.

"For the cab. No discussion."

She rolled her eyes at him, before taking the notes. After all, it was the easiest way she ever earned money in her life. The man gave her a nod of approval and presented her with then something else.

"There you go. Now, this is my card. Gimme a call for the hospital bill."

She restrained herself from pointing out that she certainly had made way more cash in the last year than he would ever did in ten, first because it would have been highly disrespectful and secondly because he had been more respectful with her than anybody else here. She grabbed the card and pointed it in his direction.

"Fine. Now leave me alone and go back to smashing stuff or… Whatever you were doing, would you? I swear I'm going to have this checked."

He acknowledged her with another nod of his head, and started to walk back to the precinct.

"Good. I'll be waiting for the bill."

Before she could add anything else, the detective was back inside, and she tried her best to raise her arm and catch a taxi.


	7. Battle

Amanda felt like she knew this place better than the back of her hand. Not only the office where she was sitting right at this moment, like every second and fourth Fridays of the month for nearly half a year, but most of the cardiology, nephrology, and genetic aisles of the Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital as well. They had altogether become some sort of secondary residence. Recently though, she was received here most of the time, because her daughter's heart was the subject of all the preoccupations for now. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be next. So far, Amanda had been made aware of serious feeding conditions, serious mental disabilities, serious lack of tonus, serious kidney concerns. It was not a matter of waiting for good news anymore. Just of knowing which of those was the worst, and had to be treated in priority. When she was pregnant, everybody in her entourage told her about how time flew by, and how she should live every little moment as intensely as possible. She remembered Nick explaining to her how he couldn't believe Zara was nine years old already. When she thought about Melissa's ninth birthday today, the only thing Amanda was asking herself was would she be able to eat without assistance by then.

She might had lost track of the discussion, because Dr Leython's voice brought her back to reality.

"Miss Rollins, do you understand the implications of this?"

Fin was sitting next to her, and she felt his gaze on her face. She was quite impressed he made it this time, even ten minutes late. But the idea of him looking at her was something she couldn't stand anymore. Melissa was half-awake on her lap, and Amanda started to feel this sour sensation in her throat once again. What kind of family picture was this supposed to be?

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I was… Somewhere else."

Alexander Leython, paediatrician specialist in cardiology took a moment before starting over. He was one of the first specialists she had been confronted to, and along all those meetings, he had started to detect when Amanda was shutting down, physically incapable of listening to his information any longer. He had told her before that having been practicing for more than twenty years, he understood parents locking themselves away from the truth sometimes, when it was becoming too hard to take in. And at this very minute, Amanda felt purely exhausted.

"The last tests on Melissa have shown that the hole in her heart isn't growing along with her. It means that there is a chance we could try getting her off the oxygen supply earlier than expected."

"She keeps dropping pretty often though."

Fin was right. On a daily basis, Melissa could have fifteen drops at more or less regular intervals, and that didn't seem to improve with time. Even if he wasn't here to see it, her father wasn't a fool. The optimism of the doctor obviously didn't manage to convince him.

"Yes. And I am not saying that it would be a radical change at the beginning, but before she hits her first year, it would be a good thing to try and see how she does by herself a couple of hours a day. Just for a start."

Amanda's hand came protectively on her daughter's head. Since her first day on earth, Melissa had had her dose of "ifs" and "tries" for a lifetime. And her own mother couldn't do anything to transform them into real and certain solutions.

"She doesn't spend two hours a day without decreasing for the moment."

While saying that, Amanda exchanged a brief look with Fin. Brief, because it was genuinely the best she could do. She still had in her mind this long gone era where when he looked at her, all she felt was pride and confidence. Around him, everything she'd been through before transformed into an old memory, just like if she was all brand new again. What was left of it now? They didn't even share the same bed anymore. To be honest, they didn't share anything anymore but a child battling only to stay alive. Before knowing what was going on, Fin had prevented her that he wasn't the baby daddy kind. They used to joke together about how when she would be old enough to walk, he would teach her how to knock down fellas in the sandbox. Nobody would ever touch Odafin Tutuola's daughter before having to deal with him. And on that he was right. The little gangsters from the sandbox turned out to be the least of their problem today.

The doctor's eyes passed from one of them to the other. Delusion appeared to be the word to describe this meeting. Six months of it had took the best of the parents.

"At this age, things can change fairly quickly. I know Melissa's growth has been an issue until now, but she is starting to catch up better. Her organs will do the same. She is strong. She's already proved it."

Amanda bit her lips. She was just an infant. How could she have to prove anything already? Her only concerns should be to sleep, eat, and fill her diaper but no. Apparently for her it wasn't enough. On top of it, she also had to make her best to avoid a cardiac arrest. Her mother was fed up of listening to them admiring how strong of a little fighter Melissa was, and how good of a patient she was and how impressive her rage to overcome difficulties was for such a small child. All she wanted to hear was the sound of her daughter crying, like any other moms on the planet. And even that seemed too much to ask for.

The knot she felt in her throat earlier had made its way up to her eyes, and she knew she wouldn't be able to hold it very longer. Followed by the gazes of the two men in the room, Amanda stood up as fast as she could, and handed Melissa to her father. She was almost out when Fin's voice tried to bring her back.

"Amanda…"

Her own words came out, louder than she expected.

"No! I…. I'm sorry doctor but I just…. I can't do this today."

She turned back to Fin, who was holding Melissa with all the delicacy he was capable of.

"I'll wait for you downstairs."

On that, she stormed out of the room. Only then did she realised she forgot to breathe all through the conversation. Amanda was standing there, gasping for air, trying to prevent another wave of tears from winning over her. Good God, she would never have thought that one person could produce that amount of tears.

She put a hand on her stomach, attempting to regulate her breathing. Just when she thought she might actually be the one to die from a heart attack in the end, a nurse passing by stopped to check on her. Amanda rejected the poor girl violently when she reached for her shoulder. The idea of someone touching her was making her even sicker.

She heard other steps in the corridor between her sobs, and a door closing despite the vibration in her ears.

"I'm with her."

The nurse walked away, and she felt Fin's hand coming in her back. She tensed immediately. He did his best to capture her eyes in his, but her vision was blurred. She felt like frozen.

"Take a deep breath."

She tried to do as she was told. Fin's tone managed to take her out of her trance, but the sobs and hiccups were taking on her with a strength she was unable to counter. She wanted to tell him to leave, hating the fact that he could see her in that state. But she couldn't talk.

He didn't either. Still carrying Melissa in one arm, Fin came to take Amanda with the other, slowly bringing her closer to him. She didn't fight, and the tears kept flooding. The sobs became louder and louder. Unconscious of what she was doing, Amanda buried her face in his jacket. She was too tired to flee.

The three of them stood here for what could have been five minutes or an hour. It was impossible to tell. Fin's jacket was soaked up but none of them noticed. She hold tight to him, as tight as she could, while Melissa's little leg lied close to her nose. She grabbed the small feet on her companion's chest and kissed it with all she had left.

No matter how badly she wanted to right now, Amanda knew she wasn't allowed to give up.


	8. Out of the blue

**Hey! Here it is. As requested, I tried to bring some Olivia/Amanda talk in this mess. More on that in the next chapter. Thanks for your comments and suggestions! Keep it flowing please ;)**

He brought her to the bed as soon as they got home yesterday. Amanda had been sleeping for fifteen hours now, showing no signs of imminent awakening. Melissa however was up since six this morning and Fin had sat with her in the couch for all this time, ready to jump at the first alarming move. Not that she was moving that much anyway. The morning had been particularly quiet and apart when he fed her earlier, her father hadn't had to deplore any scares. He took a look at his watch, to realize he should have made it in the squad room at least thirty minutes ago. After the last episode, he didn't have the heart to wake Amanda up and waited for the door to open on the person he had called in reinforcement. Melissa reminded him of her presence by coughing a little provoking the oxygen monitor to start beeping. He took his kid off the cushions he had moulded her into and kept her standing straight in his arms, staring at her with his most serious look.

"Don't even start with me, girl."

Stuck between his hands which seemed so big compare to her tiny body, Melissa snoozed as an answer. Fin laughed, unintendedly. The face she just gave him right there was priceless and he brought her nearer to kiss her cheek. His phone went off in his back pocket right at this moment. Fin put Melissa back on the couch to grab it. Private call. The detective frowned at his daughter before eventually picking up.

"Tutuola."

"Hi, Heaven speaking."

She shouldn't have bothered précising. Fin didn't know a lot of women with a voice sounding like a 60-year-old man in terminal stage of throat cancer.

"Oh, hi. How's your back doing?"

"I got two damaged ribs. One's broken, the other's cracked. I guess I just have to wait now."

Fin passed a hand on his eyes. Breaking a prostitute into pieces was the last thing he needed to do.

"Christ I'm sorry. How much was that?"

On the other side of the line, Heaven was trying unsuccessfully to zip the back of her dress. Standing in front of her full mirror, she looked like a complete retard. When the nurse had advised her not to exercise for a period of at least twenty days, she had asked her deadly serious if that was supposed to be a joke. Well, she knew that it wasn't, now that she was dressing up for a booking with one of her regulars and had already spent most of the morning epically failing to close a damn zip. And she hadn't even ventured to put her make up on yet. Heaven would have to warn her clients that she couldn't do anything fancier than the consistent blowjobs and just lying there for the next few weeks. Not such a turn on or extremely professional, but as the matter of fact, not her choice either. Still facing the mirror, she answered to her phone she had put on speaker and left on the dressing table.

"350$. They had to perform a scan."

Actually, she was lying. Taking that she didn't hold any insurance, and counting the painkillers she gulped down like sweets since she got out of the hospital only some hours ago, the bill was really going to be approximately three times dearer. But surely he didn't need to know that.

"You don't have to pay for it. It was an accident."

Fin lied back on the couch. Melissa was looking at him, starting to doze off.

"I broke your ribs…."

"Well just one of them. Don't praise yourself too much."

"Doesn't matter. I'm responsible. What about you gimme your bank details?"

Seriously? Did he really think she was that stupid? Heaven gave up on the dress challenge and went to sit on the chair. She lit a cigarette before taking a look at herself in her smaller mirror. She definitely had to do something with her tan. This all nighter in the ER had left her with a skin as pale as the lightning of the waiting room.

"I'm not a beginner detective. It's cash only."

The second he proposed it to her, Fin knew it was ridiculous. But thinking purely about the case, the trick was worth trying, considering how screwed they were.

Before he had the time to answer back, he was stopped by a knock at the door. Bringing a now sleeping Melissa with him, Fin made his way to the entrance of the flat.

"I got to go. How do we work that out?"

While doing her best to apply foundation without stretching her arm, Heaven went to check her diary with the valid one. It was horrendously full.

"I have a booking at 12 in the centre. I'll have to pass by the precinct. I'll give you a call."

She didn't have any booking in the centre, and she would have to leave way earlier than normal to make it to the precinct first. But she wanted to be done with this all as soon as possible, and surely, so did he. In the meantime, Fin had reached the front door and quickly agreed with her before opening to his visitor.

"Okay. I'll meet you there."

He hung up to greet his colleague on the other side. Olivia was standing there, a Starbucks mug in her hand.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Traffic is awful."

It was a week-end day, and Fin was conscious she had to take on her time off to make it here. He let her in and they went back to the living room.

"You're alright. I'm the one killing your Saturday."

Olivia put her mug on the table, shaking her head at him.

"Don't worry about it, Cassidy was on anyway. Hello precious."

She bent to smile at Melissa and opened her arms for Fin to give her the baby. When he did, Olivia took care not to tangle the tubes linking Melissa to the oxygen machine. The child's head came to land on her chest as the detective rocked her gently. Fin grabbed his jacket, before re opening the door. He was more than late now, and Amaro was left by himself to carry on the job.

"Thank you so much Liv. Amanda is still asleep; I didn't want to wake her up. I fed her this morning with the Gastrostomy, so she won't be hungry before lunchtime. That's when she takes her bottle. Amanda left one in the fridge. If the oxygen drops below 88 it'll bleep. Usually it goes back up by itself but if it lasts for too long, you call 911."

Benson observed her friend running around, giving her all the instructions he could think of while assembling his stuff in the same move. Still rocking the little one back and forth in her arms, Olivia checked the list out loud, just to let him know that she was going to be perfectly fine.

"Lunchtime/bottle/fridge/88/911. You can go Fin, I got this."

He gave her a grateful look before reporting his attention on Melissa. His daughter was sleeping profoundly in Liv's care. After this last check up, he nodded at the latter and walked through the landing.

"Thank you. And Liv, if anything happen…"

"I'll ring you. Now leave the girls alone. We haven't seen each other in a while, we're gonna have to do some catch up."

She pointed at Melissa with a move of her head. The situation was under control. Fin eventually left the flat, already getting his brain back on the job.

* * *

It had been two hours since Olivia first arrived. Things were going pretty well so far, let alone the couple of times were the machine went off. She had secured Melissa in her baby pillow on the wooden floor and was sitting with her, making every silly grimace she could think of to entertain her. The smiles she received were all the feedbacks she needed to keep her going. Both of them were enjoying their times and Olivia almost forgot about the tubes her little protégée was plugged in. The nasal cannula held up with one plaster on each side of her nose was the only hint making her keep in mind that she had to stay constantly alert. Fin had explained to her how sometimes, without any warnings, Melissa's lips could turn blue, even if the oxygen supply stood mute. It meant that her body was reaching a point of exhaustion, and in those cases, only intensive medical care could fix the problem.

Olivia looked at Melissa for a moment, stopping their interaction. She liked to check on the first pointers of deterioration every once in a while, because she would never forgive herself if something happened while she was in charge. Last time she'd seen the baby, she was only eight weeks old. Amanda didn't go out that often anymore, and she was quite busy on her part with the unit. She knew that Melissa turned six months recently, but she looked half her age. Not in a sick way. Just if she'd had to guess, Olivia would have never thought the baby was that old.

She might have been daydreaming for too long, because Melissa started to show some marks of impatience at her standing there doing nothing. Olivia took her in her arms, remembering to hold her head still.

"Someone got a short temper. I wonder where you take that from…."

The detective was about to get back on her feet when she heard someone coming from the hall. She gave a quick look at the clock which indicated 11:30. When she turned her head again, Amanda was staggering towards them, obviously not out of her sleeping fog yet. She was struggling with a cardigan and had only managed to put one sleeve on.

"Good morning you."

Olivia stood on the floor, holding Melissa between her folded legs. Amanda's eyes wandered in the living room, completely disoriented. She seemed lost in her own home.

"What time is it?"

Amanda didn't understand why it was so bright outside, seeing she usually woke up at five am, if she slept at all. It felt like she just came out of a coma.

"Late. You were sleeping so well, I couldn't resolve myself to wake you up."

The blonde didn't answer. She kept staring at Olivia, then Melissa, then Olivia again. She had the strange impression of having interrupted something, and her sleepy mind didn't help. She scratched her head, not sure of what to do next.

"Yeah. It's like I've spent a hundred years there."

"It's probably cause you needed it."

Olivia gave her a small smile. Amanda was holding the note Fin had left her to let her know that Liv was going to be here whenever she emerged. Having her ex colleague standing in her living room holding her daughter was weird. Right now, Rollins felt uncomfortable. This was her place, and she hadn't been around anyone else apart from Fin and Melissa in so long she almost lived her presence like an invasion.

A cough reasoned in the room and the oxygen supply bleeped once more. That was all Amanda needed to come out of the fog. Instinctively, she reached for her daughter and took her off of Olivia's care. Melissa kept coughing for a good thirty seconds while her mother was whispering to her words that the other woman couldn't hear with the constant noise of the machine. After the coughing fit faded, the beeping followed. Silence was back between them. Amanda was the one to break it.

"Liv, I'm sorry about that. You can go now. Thank you for your help."

Olivia didn't move. Sat on the floor, she looked at Amanda rubbing her daughter's back instead. She just woke up from seventeen hours of sleep, but lassitude was emanating from her whole body. A body bonier than she'd ever seen it, Olivia noticed. The glow on her eyelids could testify of the number of breakdowns she surely had experienced recently and her gaze was one of unhidden weariness.

Amanda Rollins was a wreck, and they both knew it. Amanda Rollins also knew that Olivia Benson would be too polite to make any remarks. The simple fact of her witnessing how much of a disgrace she'd became was enough for the once detective. Internally, she prayed for Liv to get out as quickly as possible. When this one stood up, Amanda thought for a minute someone had heard her. She realized it wasn't the case when Olivia started to walk timidly towards her.

"What about I stay for a while?"


	9. Don't pretend

Going for lunch was her idea. To be perfectly accurate, after a quick look in Amanda's fridge, it appeared to be more of a necessity. Conscious that she wasn't going to leave her a choice, Amanda reluctantly dressed with what turned out to be a plain white t-shirt and faded blue jeans. When she reached for the retractable baby seat, Olivia suggested they just walk. It was early August and a lovely weather outside. They headed to a little dinner further down the road in dead silence, Amanda pushing the pram where Melissa lied comfortably on her soft green blanket in front of her. Olivia was aware that compelling to her demand to leave the house had been a big step already. She didn't want to rush her more than necessary. They were sitting on the booth facing each other quietly when the waitress came back with their drinks. The girl placed a coke next to Amanda and handed her her lemonade before leaving them to whatever this was supposed to be. Olivia couldn't help but notice that Amanda kept looking down to the machine under the pram, even if Melissa had spent her time babbling peacefully since they got here.

She had to give her a window of opportunity.

"''Manda, if you just want to go home it's fine with me."

The blonde waved her hand in a negative way, which comforted Olivia in her idea that she'd made the right decision.

"No, I'm alright."

For the first time since they left, she was actually looking at Liv straight in the eyes. The detective could see she was doing her best to keep up appearances. She chose to ignore it.

"It's just I've been… I… I'm just not really used to that anymore."

"What? Eating?"

The joke managed to bring a smile on Amanda's face. She looked almost frighten to be here.

"No, I mean…. I'm sorry Liv. Let's start over, ok?"

She took a small breath and put her arms on the table to signify that she was focused on their conversation. Olivia nodded to her, understanding.

"So, long time no see."

Amanda took a sip of her coke. Olivia had rarely seen her in such a stage of shyness. Rollins's attitude was similar to one of a little girl just caught in the act of doing something stupid.

"I know. I should have called."

And she surely should have. Olivia was Melissa's godmother. Amanda picked her in the first place. Fin wasn't really into religion, but she was a believer and after they discovered Melissa's condition, she wanted to be sure that her daughter got christened at the earliest possible. It came as evidence to the young mom that nobody else would be more fitted for the role than Liv.

Olivia would have pointed out she could have called too. Indeed, she could have. Last time she saw her ex colleague before today, Amanda had asked her to give her some space. The stream of doctors and hospital admissions had just started back then and she needed to get accustomed to her new life. After that she didn't try to contact her in so long, Olivia was kind of afraid if she made the first move, she would step somewhere she didn't belong. It was clear now she should have followed her first instinct and get in anyway.

"I don't blame you. You've got a lot on your plate."

Amanda laughed joylessly. The waitress brought them their meals, and she scrutinized her burger like she'd never seen one before. Girls chat was another thing Amanda hadn't experience in a while, and she wasn't sure she'll remember how it went.

"Melissa is your godchild. You should be able to see her more often."

Olivia looked over the pram to see that Melissa was back to sleep. When they were walking down the street, and even in the dinner, she'd spotted the looks of the people passing by. They would notice the baby first, but instead of just keeping going like everybody does in that situation, they would stare once more to be sure it was actually a cannula stuck on her cheeks. She also noted that Amanda was walking with her head lowered on the handles of the pram. Olivia realized now that it was because she knew people would look at her afterwards. She wanted to ignore the pity. Liv respected that.

But she wasn't a stranger, and both of them were aware they would have to discuss the elephant in the room at some point.

"Amanda, how are you doing?"

Unexpectedly, the answer came, straight as an I.

"Terribly, but I'm sure you already heard about it."

She was referring to Fin. Olivia decided not to take this subject further. What she wanted to know was Amanda's version.

"I have. But it wasn't the sense of my question."

Amanda gave up playing with the salad leaves on the side of her plate. There wasn't going to be any sort of emergency exit from now.

"I got that. Olivia, what do you want me to say? You're asking me how things are going? They're not. Nothing is going nowhere. I'm surviving, and so is my daughter. Surviving, that's how I'm doing."

Olivia didn't reply right away. Amanda's word sounded like a confession, for Liv as well as for herself. She wouldn't risk asking too much off of her in one go.

"You've proven before that you were quite good at survival. You're not easy to kill."

"It's different this time. Someone else is going down. I'm fighting against windmill."

A feeble cry emanated from the pram. Amanda reached for her baby and positioned her on her lap, strengthening the embrace around Melissa. Maybe this war was not hers to win.

Olivia observed them for a moment, not willing to break the bubble in which mother and daughter were enclosed. She was positive their relationship was stronger than the crisis they were facing. But it wasn't her role to make Amanda realize this. Fin had tried before, without any form of success. Surely, she couldn't do better. Nobody would be able to save Amanda until she decided that it was the time for her to be saved. As for when this time would come, it was her decision and hers alone.

"This is not a lost cause Amanda."

As Olivia predicted, her statement fell into deaf ears. Amanda posed her chin on the top of Melissa's head and stared through Liv, emotionless. She was done for today.

**Sorry if I didn't meet your expectations guys, but for the sake of the story, I couldn't give too much in one go. Plus I don't think Amanda would open so easily anyway. Give me your opinion and still thanks for reading and for your feedbacks, it's great!**


	10. Sit on that

**Back on the case guys! Thank you so much for your comments I'm glad you're enjoying it. I would really like to have your impressions on Heaven as well, so don't be shy and bring it on! Suggestions and critics still highly appreciated. Thanks in advance.**

Nick didn't pay any attention to him when he eventually arrived in the squad room. His eyes were locked on the computer screen, and Fin's excuse had more impact on the walls than it had on Amaro. Walking to his desk, he took a look around. The place was dead as he had rarely seen it. Of course, week-end days weren't usually buzzing ones, but the atmosphere here was different. Fin had the sensation that something was going on, and after all this time on the job, he'd learned to recognize it when the tension rose higher than usual.

The fact that Nick didn't seem able to leave his damn screen alone was just another indication that urged Fin to walk back to where he stood.

"Everything alright, Amaro?"

The younger detective eventually gratified him with a quick glance.

"I might have something."

Fin observed him. He looked like he'd just spent the night sat on this chair.

"What do you mean, you "might"?"

"I mean it's hard to tell."

"Try me."

He was getting impatient. Amaro obviously got the hint, as he dug in the mountain of papers next to his computer to come up with a picture. He handed it to Fin, waiting for a reaction. His colleague was apparently not in the mood for riddles.

"I seriously hope for you that this thing is important, otherwise I might start to lose it."

Fin's eyes rapidly went over the picture of victim number 3. Emily Owens, said Queen. Raped on the first of July while she was heading back from a private apartment on Fifth Avenue. 22 years old, Caucasian. Had spent two days in a coma after her aggression.

"You remember how Owens couldn't give us a valuable statement as he ripped her tongue off that night?"

"Yes Nick, I remember, We looked over the whole case together yesterday. What about her?"

Without a word, Nick reached on his desk once more, while Fin was trying to control his nerves. This little game pissed him off way more than it should have.

Amaro came back to him, the printed version of what appeared to be an email in hand. He gave it to Fin, without further explanation.

The other man read through the piece of paper. Only one sentence had been composed. He checked for the date, the hour, and the sender. The email had been sent approximately forty minutes earlier. It was directed to _whom it may concern._

"Did you phone Liv?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders, nonchalantly. At this point, Fin could get as mad as he pleased. The remaining of his soul had left him somewhere around three this morning.

"Well, she sent me a text saying not to call her today cause she was looking after Melissa."

"We need her to question Emily."

"Emily is at Mt Sinai with multiple cerebral contusions and the entire left part of her body paralysed. Her condition keeps deteriorating since the assault. I called the service; she didn't even have the strength to write the email herself. The nurse did it for her. She recited the alphabet out loud and Emily pressed her finger for the right letter."

Fin looked straight at him. They were probably asking the same question to themselves right now. Question being: could this shit get even worse? Every time they thought they had hit the rock bottom, it somehow managed to go further down, and the clock was coming closer to the next rape. Because of that at least they were sure. There was going to be a next rape.

"You mind if I keep that?"

Amaro realized it wasn't a question when Fin stormed back out with the paper in hand. Nick waved in disconcertion while the elevator bell blared. He grabbed his stapler from the desk and pressed it hard against his forehead. The difference between their advancement in this case and pissing into the wind became thinner every minute.

* * *

As expected, she was at the meeting point before him. Extracting herself from the taxi had been an even bigger adventure than the dress earlier and she gulped down a couple of pain killers to accompany her cigarette. At this pace, Heaven would put her bottom dollar on it; she was going to spot pink elephants flying in the New York sky within the next hour. To be honest, she didn't really bother listening to the indications of the pharmacist and pretty much took a pill as soon as she felt like it. Better being high and painless than sober and crawling on the floor like a freaking cockroach. Plus she couldn't exactly afford to get off work just now. It was the middle of summertime and business was booming, as per usual. If she did it nicely, Heaven could live on her aestival earnings until Christmas, maybe even January. It might have looked weird for uninitiated people, but there was actually a "whore season", running from March to November. After that, well Christmas, New Year and Valentine's Day tended to keep the client at home, and the escort jobless. However, there were never better months than between June and August for working girls. She wasn't going to lose them waiting for her ribs to heal. Hence, she would have to make more regular trips to the drugstore.

Heaven was almost done with her can of _Dr Pepper_, when she saw detective Tutuola coming out of the precinct on the other side of the street. She waited for him to come to her, not willing to risk a second accident with the 12 centimetres stilettos at her feet. She put her designer sunglasses on the top of her head when he arrived. He didn't take care of taking his off.

"I was expecting you ten minutes ago."

"Was busy."

Heaven immediately noticed the change in his tone. Their last encounters, he had been more than cordial to her, minus the column punching and the door slamming. Today he was looking down on the girl like she was the last piece of shit in the world. Heaven decided to play along. He wasn't the first lunatic guy she had to deal with, and would certainly not be the last.

"Well, I am quite rushing myself. So let's get this over with."

She opened the palm of her hand, waiting for the money to land here. Instead she was left with a sheet of paper. Not the kind she came for.

"Right. You tell me what that's about and both of us can go back to work."

She served him with a raging look before inspecting the sheet. An email sent from the Mt Sinai hospital. Four words had been typed, which explained the attitude of the detective towards her. The sentence read _"he said: "blame her""_.

Her face cold as ice, she handed it back to him.

"I don't get what you want me to do with that."

This was the moment he chose to take his sunglasses off. Probably attempting to intimidate her.

"Emily sent it to the unit. Now you better play your game carefully, Heaven."

"What? Are you menacing me?"

She was staring at him, fury written in her green eyes. Even with heels on, he was still much taller than her, but she wasn't willing to let go. Heaven could feel her blood boiling in her veins and for his own sake, detective Tutuola would want to answer her question, rapidly.

"I got a victim confined on a hospital bed. She's 22 and she might never be able to go to the toilets by herself again. Take it as a menace if you want. I'm not gonna leave you alone until I get the end of the story."

"As you just pointed out yourself, Queen is closer to a vegetable now. I'm not saying I'm okay with that, but that's the truth. What do you want from me?"

"Try it for once. The truth."

Ignoring the pain, Heaven came closer to him. Not that she was expecting to frighten the man. But just to get that straight, he shouldn't wait for her to curl up and cry either.

"I told you everything I knew about it. Now if the geniuses you are can't figure out how to do your job properly, don't put it on the whore's back. I'd rather tell you now, I am not having it."

"You're not gonna be left with much choice when I'm arresting your little smart face for obstruction to a criminal investigation."

"Which obstruction? I don't know what Emily is talking about, she probably doesn't know herself. You can arrest me for ignorance?"

A lull came in the exchange that wasn't even one. None of them were actually willing to communicate. It seemed more like their prides were shouting at each other.

"I wish for you that you really don't have a clue. Cause when he's raping again, and believe me he will, and if you've been fooling me, you're not getting away with it."

"Are you done?"

She knew he didn't have any charges against her, and she didn't want to spend another second near him. No actually, she couldn't.

He said he was, and she walked down the edge of the pavement to stop a taxi. She didn't even had to raise her hand, as the little black dress she was wearing did the job for her. Heaven opened the back door and driven by anger, addressed to him one last time.

"By the way, you can keep your cash. I wouldn't want your mates to think that you've got a finger in the pie with an escort suspected of covering a rapist."

She got in the cab, not giving him the time to strike back.

_Bastard._


End file.
